So I dropped the ball on keeping up with this thing…lol. I’d love to say I’ve had a lot going on, but in reality between my homework, kids, cleaning and laundry…the never ending amounts of laundry, I totally lost time to be able to write on here. My life is a whirlwind. I need a break *insert crying emoji here*! I love my kids and I know I am blessed to have them and another day in this crazy thing called life, but sometimes I just want to run away for a bit to reset my mind, body and soul, so I can be the best mom I can for them. Normally taking them to the park or to the pool helps get some energy out for them and give them some space between each other, but with all this rain, it’s been impossible! 3 kids indoors day after day = a mom losing her sh!t!

I know you think I’d get somewhat of a break being divorced and the boys dad getting them, but have you ever co-parented with a narcissist? It takes so much time and energy! It’s mentally and emotionally draining. For example, a couple weeks ago (literally the weekend before), I was asked to switch weekends by my ex husband because he had a party to go to for the 4th of July. I agreed and asked which weekend he would like to get them in place of it. He said he wanted them this weekend…when I mentioned this at the beginning of the week, he proceeds to tell me he can’t get them, he’s going out of town this weekend *insert crooked face emoji here*. Fast forward to Friday night, he proceeds to tell me he’s getting the boys Saturday morning to take them for the day *insert eyeroll emoji here* (in case you didn’t notice, this part of my life requires A LOT of facial expressions). At this point, I’ve learned not to let it get to me as much and not to ask if/when he’s getting them. I figured if he wanted to see them or spend time with them, he would. Plus as the boys get older, they’re going to form their own opinion of him and decide whether they want to see him still or not. I just hope he learns to stop being as selfish as he is before it’s too late. It’s like a constant reminder of our marriage…he goes out and lives his best life, doing what he wants when he wants with no responsibilities while I stay home and raise our children. But then I remember as long as my kids know I love them and momma is always there for them and doing the best she can, they’re gonna be okay. We all are.

So to touch on my dating/social life…still pretty much non existent lol. I’ve deleted my dating apps and came to the conclusion, it’s not worth spending money on something for guys to try and talk to me about sex or have one worded conversations with me. I figured I will meet someone the old fashioned way when I get out at some point. I know God has a plan for me and I know he’ll bring me the right guy when I’m ready. Who knows maybe he’s already brought him into my life and I just haven’t realized it yet! Have you ever had a really great guy friend who you know adores you and literally treats you like a queen everyday and yet you still can’t bring yourself to feel more than just a friendship for him? I try like crazy to convince myself that he’s good for me and to just try, but at the same time I’m scared because I don’t want to lose a good friend. Maybe there’s something wrong with me? I mean the couple of guys I’ve tried talking to have just up and ghosted me, so maybe it really is me? Maybe I’m not as awesome as I thought….ehhh I know the right guy will love me for me and will put in the time and effort for me. Until then, I’m focused on myself, my kids and my life because let’s face it…I’m better off taking it one day at time!

Hey all you beautiful souls…I want to start by saying Happy late Father’s Day to all the dads, stepdads, and moms who play both roles! This morning, I woke up and decided I needed to share some more of my life with you guys. Going off of what I posted last week…still unemployed, divorced and losing my mind. Job searching at this point has come to feel like a whole job in itself. I apply everyday to different jobs and if I don’t have a college degree or speak Spanish, apparently I’m not qualified. And yet there are multiple companies having to shut down because they have no employees. I’m seriously considering starting an Only Fans to get by! All of these females are making serious bank by posting pictures and if I had a good amount of self confidence, I probably could get behind that idea! I’m not giving up though. I’m going to keep trying and pray the right thing will come along. I know God has a plan for me, I just have to wait for him to show me what’s next on my journey.

On to the divorce thing, that’s a whole other topic in itself that I will get into, it’s just going to have to be in different posts, but being an almost 30 year old trying to date in today’s world is absolutely ridiculous. Being a single mother of 3 and having a hit or miss when it comes to your ex husband actually getting his kids when he’s supposed to, is a hard thing to overcome as far as having any sort of social life! Time to face the facts.. I have no social life, which leaves me to online dating and OH BOY! That’s an interesting world of people! I’ve been on different dating sites. I’m not going to lie, I’ve tried several of the popular ones and yet, here I am. And for those of you wondering, I’ve been on Facebook dating, Tinder, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, and Match and none of them have brought me any closer to meeting a decent man. For you ladies, Bumble is a sight where we are supposed to make the first move (I guess for the men who have seem to lost their balls somewhere in life and have no gumption to talk to a woman first), but let me just say that even with me making the first move, men still don’t know how to respond with more than one word. That is definitely one of the biggest issues with online dating! Men now a days can’t seem to hold an actual conversation with women and if that’s not the case, they’ll start off with the casuals, “How are you?”, “Hey beautiful..” and so on and once you think things may go well, they hit you with the sex talk! Like sir, I just started talking to you I definitely am not interested in letting you in my pants! I found one guy…talked to him for a month. Everyday we would talk on the phone, multiple times a day, text and snapchat. He asked me on a date. I agreed and we made plans. The next day he completely ghosted me. Blocked me on everything, ghosted me…I guess his wife found out about me?! Totally kidding! I don’t know what happened, but I do know it sucked. I opened up to this man, put myself out there, took the time to get to know him and when I think thing are going well..BAM! Haha Samantha, I don’t think so! So, I’ve stopped trying. I cancelled all my subscriptions to the dating apps and I’m playing it by ear. Whatever happens, happens at this point. I’m too old for the games and drama.

Sooo summer time…whoooo!!! Summer time, I feel like is the most stressful for all parents. Stay at home ones and working ones. You have to worry about paying for childcare if you work and if you’re a stay at home parent, you lose your shit on the daily and we can probably find you locked in the bathroom at some point during the day, crying or drinking wine from the bottle because at this point you don’t even know if you have anymore clean cups from the dishes that are piled in the sink after you just did them 10 minutes ago! And laundry…don’t even get me started on laundry! Does anyone else’s kids think they have to change every hour of the day or is it just mine? Just when I think I’m caught up on laundry, I walk into my kids bathroom or closet and realize I will NEVER actually be caught up on laundry! I would love to say taking them to do things is a great way to run their energy out and get them out of the house, but have you met Texas weather?! It’s supposed to rain all week! Like what?! And even when we have nice weather to do stuff, you don’t actually want to take them anywhere because that requires actual pants and most of the time the little heathens don’t listen and you can’t spank them in public because that’s consider child abuse now a days…this world is a mess right along with my life most of the time, but I love those kids so much it hurts my heart!

Maybe one of these days, I’ll get my shit together because let’s face it…my life is a mess.

Hey all you beautiful souls…I’m Samantha. I’m a 29 year old, single, divorced, unemployed mother of 3. I’m starting this blog to tell my stories of everyday life and stories of my past that have helped shape the woman I am today. I want to be real and open with my readers. A lot of times, on social media and different platforms on the internet, people often put on a “show” to make it seem like they’re doing great in life and everything is happy go lucky and while this may be so true for some people, for others it’s a distraction from the ridiculousness of everyday life. For the last 9 years, that was my truth. A post here and there on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat to make it seem like everything was okay in my marriage, my life, motherhood, but it wasn’t. I want to be real with everyone. I want to show anyone that may be struggling with anything in life, that it’s okay. Everyone struggles with something and maybe, just maybe part of my life can help you do better or be better in yours. I’m going to do my best to post everyday. I will be leaving comments open and I want to be able to have open discussions on things that I post. I want women and men to feel safe and comfortable to open up and say what they need, share their experiences, ask for help or advice in a safe space with no judgement. I want to share my journey not only for my own mental stability, but for others to know they’re not alone because let’s face it…life is HARD!